Don't Know How To Let You Go
by Alantie Mistaniu
Summary: A missing scene from AC. How can Aerith let Cloud go again?


A/N: Done for the CxA forum's 100 Challenge for the theme Light. Inspiration for this piece came from an art piece and a Sarah McLachlan song. It's a sort of missing scenes deal, to clear any confusion up. I hope you will enjoy it!

Disclaimer: Will never own either the game or the lyrics.

Don't Know How To Let You Go

He was falling through the white light, as he had fallen through the lifestream so long ago. That time she had been powerless to help him, only able to watch and offer comfort and guidance to him and Tifa. But this time. . . this time his life was in her hands.

She approached slowly, watching as the energy carried him gently to her, and she bent over him, feeling the heat emanating from his body, the fluttering caress of his breath on her cheek. His body had been driven to its limit this day, engaged in fights with foes of such caliber that he had not faced for nearly two years. Her emerald eyes scanned his still frame, taking note of the damage. He still lived- barely. For how much longer unless she acted was a different story.

Her hand smoothed gently through his soft blond spikes before coming to rest lightly on his forehead, pouring her healing magic into his body. _'Rest,'_ the power whispered, flowing down her arm and through her fingertips like liquid light. _'Rest and heal.'_

Beneath her hand, he stirred slightly, reacting instinctively to the soothing nature of her presence.

"Mother?" Cloud mumbled deliriously, and she fought back the urge to laugh at the confusion that laced his voice.

At her side, Zack was succeeding less in the task, chuckling with mirth, hands over his mouth to muffle the sound. Smiling in mock exasperation, Aerith shook her head lightly, causing her long braid to sway with the motion.

"Again? Why is everyone calling me their mother lately?" she sighed, her hand leaving the blond's forehead with obvious reluctance.

"I guess they must be fond of you," Zack responded with as much solemnity he could muster though his dark violet eyes were sparkling teasingly.

She swatted at him, which he dodged easily, of course. Wrinkling her nose, she retorted, "This one's a little too big to adopt."

Zack laughed, moving closer to where Cloud was. "Tough luck friend," he sighed with mock despair. "Sound's like you don't have a place here."

Aerith's green eyes saddened, realizing that despite his bravado, Zack wanted his friend to stay as much as she did. "Zack. . ." she began hesitantly, trying to find some words he would accept, but he cut her off.

"Don't try to lie to me Aerith. I know you want him to stay here with us as much as I do. So why? Why are you healing him? Why are you sending him back?"

She forced her voice to be natural, refusing to allow her conflicting emotions to get the better of her. "He's needed there, Zack. You know that. There will come a time when the Planet will need his strength again. How can we deprive all those people of him when they will desperately need him?"

The black haired man's brow creased in a frown. "What about us? Don't we need him too? What about _you_, Aerith?"

Pain lanced through her soul, and she turned from him, her attention resting instead on the unconscious man she loved with all her being. "What I want doesn't matter. I can't be selfish, no matter how much I care for him. I'll do what I have to do." She had been through this already; it wasn't for her to take him from those who needed him so much more than she did.

Obviously unwilling to drop matters, Zack continued to press on, his voice becoming harsher. "What about what he wants?"

Those words were like an arrow through her heart and she couldn't stop the tiny gasp that escaped her parted lips. Zack couldn't have chosen a better way to hurt her. She knew how much Cloud had been suffering ever since her death, how much he wished to return to the Planet. The only thing that had kept him from doing so was his promise to Zack.

'_I said I'd live out both our lives.'_

Her eyes closed tightly, though her voice was still calm as she spoke. "Zack."

It was a reprimand, and he recognized it for what it was. Flinching, he shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced away. "Sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean it that way."

"I know."

"I didn't mean to question your judgment. I mean, what the freak do I know anyway?"

"Zack."

"Sorry, sorry." He peeked up at her through the spikes of black hair that hung across his eyes. "How much more time here does he have?"

"Not much," she whispered, her fingers reaching out to stroke the curve of his cheek, the yearning to be near him almost more than she could stand.

There was a moment of awkward silence, then Zack spoke again. "I'll give you a moment then, kay?"

"Mmm," she murmured, her mind faintly taking note of his presence fading away, leaving her and Cloud alone.

In the silence that fell around them, her emerald eyes studied his sleeping features, smiling slightly at how calm and relaxed he seemed. It was something she had not seen on his face for years. Blinking back a stinging sensation in her eyes, her hands moved gently through his spun gold hair, cradling his head in her hands as she bent over him, her cheek resting against his.

"I'm sorry," she told him quietly. "I truly am. Don't think that I'm ignorant of what it is you've been wishing for these past years, but that isn't how it works. It isn't time for you to be here yet, you understand, right?"

Cloud sighed in his slumber, almost as if he did hear her, and she laughed slightly, fighting back the urge to weep. His breath made her bangs flutter and she closed her eyes, savoring the sensation of being close to him, if only for a moment.

"Same old Cloud," Aerith murmured. "I would keep you in a heart beat, you know. But I _can't, _and it hurts me so much to send you back there, as much as it hurts you. No, don't sigh like that! It's true, you know. Being apart isn't any easier for me than it is for you."

A single tear slipped down her porcelain cheek, splashing his forehead. Cloud flinched slightly, and she laughed shakily. "Sorry, dear heart," she told him, her lips moving to press lightly against the spot. "I didn't mean to become so weepy." Her head raised slightly, her fingers tenderly tracing his peaceful features. Reluctance was flooding her body, but she knew that they only had minutes left.

"It's time though. You have a promise to keep to Zack, remember?" His brow furrowed, and she chuckled, though her bright green eyes held sadness. "I know, I know. The knucklehead never keeps _his_ promises, does he? Ah, well, we shouldn't follow his example though."

Cloud was starting to stir again, and she sighed. "I don't know how to let you go," she admitted softly. "Not that it's really goodbye. I'm always with you in spirit."

Her fingers smoothed his tangled locks back into place, straightening her body, but not without a last soft kiss to his cheek, even as she manipulated the white light to carry him away, back to the realm of the living. Aerith let out a shaky breath, unaware of the glittering trails of moisture that were spilling silently down her cheeks, though she smiled cheerfully, her heart lightening a little despite the aching sorrow of the parting.

"Everything will be alright. . ."

------

_What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage?  
Created you a monster; broken by the rule of love.  
And fate has led you through it,  
You do what you have to do.  
Oh, and fate has led you through it,  
You do what you have to do.  
But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go. _

Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul.  
I'm ever swiftly moving; trying to escape this desire.  
The yearning to be near you,  
I do what I have to do.  
Oh, the yearning to be near you,  
I do what I have to do.  
And I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go.  
I don't know how to let you go.

A glowing ember, burning hot, and burning slow.  
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you.  
I know I can't be with you,  
I do what I have to do.  
I know I can't be with you,  
I do what I have to do.  
And I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go.  
I don't know how to let you go.  
I don't know how to let you go. 


End file.
